I've said this before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, but here goes: As an actor and a director, when you do not come to see my shows it is hurtful to me.

This comes up for a few reasons. I'm just coming off two shows - the only two within 2011 I acted in. The first of these was grueling - I wanted a challenge and man did I get it. But out turnout was so very low. My mother, who doesn't enjoy thought provoking theatre and especially not when it is dark and/or violent told me months in advance she would not come. Fine. I understood. I wasn't happy, but I get it. But then my friends from work, who often come to our shows didn't come, nor anyone else from my family.

Then I began Divide & Conquer with Madlab, a Survivor style competition production where five 40 minute shows are pitted against each other on Friday and Saturday nights. Throughout a four week run, the casts perform the first 10 minutes of five shows, then as shows are eliminated time is added to those remaining - the first 20 minutes of four shows, thirty minutes of three shows - culiminating with the whole forty minutes of the remaining two shows. To make matters more complicated Friday and Saturday are separate tracks so it is possible for four of the five shows to compete the final weekend.

My show, Selectosome was eliminated by a pretty wide margin on opening night - a depressing shock. We got a lot of laughs so I'd thought we were potentially safe. Saturday night we stayed in to compete last night. Yesterday, I woke up with almost no voice. Determined not to be the reason we went home for good I spent the whole day finding the best things to give me as much voice as possible and carrying a notepad with which to communicate while on vocal rest.

In the end we got voted off by a margin of 6 votes. Ouch. I'm sad we won't continue on, but even more so I'm feeling two things - the audience doesn't know what they're missing and apparently I have no friends.

Our show starts slow & a little dry, but the ending is amazing. It's like the Arrested Development of the shows - a slow build you don't want to miss.

Over the three nights we did perform, each night when the voting begin all of the casts filed onstage and I looked out of the friendly faces who (surely!) would be there to support me... and each of those night none of those faces were there.

I guess I'll have to have Husband hang enough white twinkle lights in the yard to make me forget.