Scarlet Cork

Friends are there when you need them - you do the math.

2011-12-04T12:08:00.002-05:00

I've said this before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, but here goes: As an actor and a director, when you do not come to see my shows it is hurtful to me.

This comes up for a few reasons. I'm just coming off two shows - the only two within 2011 I acted in. The first of these was grueling - I wanted a challenge and man did I get it. But out turnout was so very low. My mother, who doesn't enjoy thought provoking theatre and especially not when it is dark and/or violent told me months in advance she would not come. Fine. I understood. I wasn't happy, but I get it. But then my friends from work, who often come to our shows didn't come, nor anyone else from my family.

Then I began Divide & Conquer with Madlab, a Survivor style competition production where five 40 minute shows are pitted against each other on Friday and Saturday nights. Throughout a four week run, the casts perform the first 10 minutes of five shows, then as shows are eliminated time is added to those remaining - the first 20 minutes of four shows, thirty minutes of three shows - culiminating with the whole forty minutes of the remaining two shows. To make matters more complicated Friday and Saturday are separate tracks so it is possible for four of the five shows to compete the final weekend.

My show, Selectosome was eliminated by a pretty wide margin on opening night - a depressing shock. We got a lot of laughs so I'd thought we were potentially safe. Saturday night we stayed in to compete last night. Yesterday, I woke up with almost no voice. Determined not to be the reason we went home for good I spent the whole day finding the best things to give me as much voice as possible and carrying a notepad with which to communicate while on vocal rest.

In the end we got voted off by a margin of 6 votes. Ouch. I'm sad we won't continue on, but even more so I'm feeling two things - the audience doesn't know what they're missing and apparently I have no friends.

Our show starts slow & a little dry, but the ending is amazing. It's like the Arrested Development of the shows - a slow build you don't want to miss.

Over the three nights we did perform, each night when the voting begin all of the casts filed onstage and I looked out of the friendly faces who (surely!) would be there to support me... and each of those night none of those faces were there.

I guess I'll have to have Husband hang enough white twinkle lights in the yard to make me forget.

Freefalling

2011-03-31T00:02:00.003-04:00

I'm overwhelmed. There I said it. Sometimes it seems things go really right for a long time... sometimes its the opposite. I've been living in that opposite for about 5 months. That's longer than anyone should have to. Sadly its gotten so bad now that I am vehemently angry a lot of the time. I know that I need a break - a vacation - a spa day, but all those things take money. Lots of people in my life laugh that off, saying "oh just have hubby rub your back". I'm sure I sound greedy or something when I say that's not good enough.
I have been living with constant back pain. Not lower back, fix-it-with-yoga-or- situps-pain, but pain clustered inside my shoulderblade that feels like a small boulder lodged itself deep in there. I'm easily hurt but those I care about - because I so rarely really let people in. These days it's hard to think of a time I'm not either crying or grinding my teeth.
So it terrifies me that in just a short period of time - days really I have to buck up and make people believe there's a reason I'm in charge of a whole production. It should be the oasis in my emotional wreckage, but I'm really just scared that I want it to work well so badly I'm delusional.
I'm pretty sure in the morning I'll regret having publicly posted this, but sometimes you have to let go and trust blindly right?

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation." - Jean Kerr

2011-03-14T22:51:00.002-04:00

I live on a day to day basis with a certain level of stress. You might surmise that from the fact I have developed hives from stress twice within the past 4 months. You also might choose to attribute this stress to the fact that I have two jobs. From 9-5 I play the role of mild-mannered (ha) customer service agent, but from 5pm on (as well as pretty much my entire waking life) I am the VP/Literary Manager of Raconteur Theatre Company.

For reasons which have never been clear to me there is a general assumption that theatre is easy. We are painted as "slackers" and I can tell you from experience a degree in theatre garners no respect from hiring managers. This is really interesting to me because really what are actors but salespeople, teachers, observers and illuminators of the human condition? Directors and Producers are project managers. Our jobs never end and we work like dogs to get every nuance in exactly the way we want it - while putting out constant fires along the way. Truly, this is a job you have to love... and I do.

If you've ever heard a thespian complaining about tech week, (sometimes referred to as "hell week") you've seen the sense of mingled joy, exhaustion, insecurity, excitement and pain inherent in that bitching. But we do it because we love it.

Just the other day my well-meaning sister and an equally concerned co-worker asked me why I do this when it means my life is so busy. They were surprised by my answer - I'm so much happier when I'm involved in a production. Yes, the rehearsals gnaw huge chunks of time out of my life, deprive me of sleep and regular meals; but there's a freeing stillness to this work. This IS my stress relief.

Ginger Baths, Parsley Tea, & Yoga

2011-03-06T09:50:00.002-05:00

So I'm currently boiling half a pound of ginger root on the stove. Why? So I can take my first ginger bath of course!

Confused? Yeah, I would be too. Apparently it's meant to be good for hives, and I have hives. Boy do I have hives. Awful, itchy, prickly, miserable hives. This is the second time I have had them in the past four months and I'm told they are brought on by my stress.

This just seems like a big joke to me. I'm super stressed all the freaking time... so in addition to that I get to be itchy and miserable?! No, thank you! The best part is all the people who hear this and tell me (a) What do you have to be stressed about? or (b) Well you need to figure out a way to reduce that stress!

This is brand new information. Really.

Why am I stressed....

I work a job I never wanted and don't really like. The only positive things I have gained through the years of performing this job are healthcare, a decent wage, and most importantly to me - normal work hours. This schedule permits me to do what I love - theatre - and this is now being threatened. I don't want to have to find another job, but if I have to work hours which extend past 5:30pm I will be forced to.
There's never enough money and I am the bread-winner. The twinge of a feminist in me should love that. I don't. I hate it. I hate the pressure it brings. I feel caged. I'm tired and worn out. After doing this for 7 years, I would like to take a break and be a kept woman.
I have a job I ADORE, but it doesn't pay. This causes some people to call it a 'hobby". Considering the fact that I spend most of my waking hours thinking about this job in some form, stressing about how to make the company better, how we're going to do everything we need to do with the little man power we have... although I'm not a violent person, when I hear this comment it's like I become the Hulk inside. The anger rages and I want to beat things. Also, it shows me you're not really my friend. If you were you would see how incredibly rude and disrespectful I find that to be and keep your mouth shut.
I want to do too much. I want to make both of my jobs better, I want to sing in the choir at church, I want to do all the chores, run all the errands, make all the money, read all the books, ... and I can't.
Everyone in my life has too much going on, so even though I know I have friends it doesn't much feel like I do.

Right, so where's the time I should be fitting in the yoga to de-stress (and de-hive) myself?

21 Days

2010-02-14T14:59:00.002-05:00

I've been told it takes 21 days to form a new habit. A few things just happened all at once; I decided to actually pay attention to my health and started a couple new medications which resulted in a lot more energy; I had a big meeting at work and I realized I didn't fit any of my nice pants; and lent begins this week. So, I decided to start my lenten promise a week early. On Feb 6th I decided for lent I would work out a minimum of 30 minutes per day, preferably a full hour per day - even if it's just on the wii fit that's far better than nothing.

Last week I almost stuck to it. I did an hour from Sunday - Wednesday which is 5.5 hours total. With today that's 6.5 hours and I according to the wii fit I have lost 3.5 lbs! There are 45 days in lent including Sundays (although Sundays are not really part of lent).

So for lent I am giving up being lazy and fat and I am hoping by doing so I make it a permanent habit. Also this should knock some stuff off my list. It's win-win.

Onward!

2010-01-17T14:53:00.002-05:00

2009 has come and gone. I have not made nearly the progress I would have liked to have made but I just can't upset about that. When I look back on the past year I see so many challenges we have made it through and I'm so happy about that journey. I'm going to try to reinvest myself in this list, but as with my walkabout in high school I've much through failure.

When this 1,001 days are up I will make a new list - but next time I will use the list much more for trying new things than reinventions of myself. I made it hard on myself by making so many bullets things I had to stick with for a period of time. I still want very much to run a 5k and I strongly believe I almost made it last year so I will start that program up again. I found I really enjoy running outside and even more so when I bring Gatsby with me so I think the winter portion will be very tough for me. That leaves me with a few undesirable options: drive to mom & dad's to use their treadmill where I don't enjoy being praised for trying to lose weight, run outside in the cold and wet or join the local rec center. Maybe this is the year I figure the costs to join the rec center.

2010 has started pretty rough, but there are some really positive things on the horizon. I am tentatively hopeful that this will be the year we finally gain some ground and begin to feel like established adults.

slacker.

2009-11-04T23:27:00.002-05:00

Once again I have been a major slacker. Let's see..
In the past couple months I have:
Tried a slew of new recipes! Learning to cook with no oil is a challenge. Tortilla Pie, Zucchini Muffins, Vegetarian Sloppy Joes, Watermelon salad, a scary pasta dish, a veg dish which shoudl not have had peas in it - my favorites ended up being ones i created.

Taken my cat to the vet 2-3 times. (Not fun!)

gained weight. don't ask me how. i am meant to be losing weight.

Hosted my mother in law for a week (it was lovely).

Had my parents over for dinner. Had coworkers over for dinner (very fun!)

Detoxed from caffeine, it wasn't intentional but it did result in me drinking a lot more water.

Read a stack of books ; at least six, maybe more.s

Week 2, Days 2 & 3: On the Road Again

2009-07-09T22:08:00.002-04:00

So my neck finally eased up and we headed up to Husband's family reunion. I was feeling a little tentative. In our half decade of marriage, plus 2 year engagement I had not been to an official reunion for this side of his family. In fact I had not even met many of these people.

We had brought the pup and I was determined to get out running again. So Friday morning when we got up, the pup and I set off. I could really feel the time off and that bummed me out. I had forgotten just how hilly the area my father in law lives in is! It was gorgeous though. We ran for probably 50 minutes and I loved it. However, later that day the combination of the time off from running, lack of sleep, exposure to cigarettes and too much sugar caused me to just drop from exhaustion.

On Sunday I bought new running shoes. This is a big commitment for me. The shoes I have been using are literally 8 years old. The shoes arrived today and I ran to celebrate.

So now I'm torn. I missed some time and my last couple runs were tough going. Do I give myself a Week 2 Day 4 or move on to Week 3? I guess that something to think about.

My first major roadblock

2009-06-30T22:12:00.002-04:00

On Saturday night Husband and I were at a house warming party eating tacos and drinking some beers when.... all of a sudden I can't turn my neck to the left! I'm in major pain all night. I try really hard to be careful about how I sleep and take some ibuprofen thinking surely it will ease up in the morning right? No. The next day I can turn to the left, but not to the right. Then yesterday I was in pain all day.

My mom loaned me her heating pad (why the F do I not own one???) and between living with it wedged against my back and/or shoulder/neck and a steady diet of ibuprofen I am now to a point where I am hoping to be able to continue my running schedule tomorrow.

I'm also considering the possibility my older than the dinosaurs, ok this is a lie, older than my bachelor's degree (true) running shoes may have contributed to my injury. So I have convinced Husband we should trot on up to a local outlet mall over the weekend to see what kind of deals we can find a on a new pair of trainers. (sweet!)

Either way, even though I know it is ambitious and probably a little too much, I plan on trying to run tomorrow, Friday, Saturday and possibly Sunday too. Thank goodness the pup likes to keep me company on these jaunts.

Week 2, Day 1 - pushing through exhaustion

2009-06-25T10:22:00.002-04:00

Last in spite of sheer exhaustion I made myself go run. I pushed through it knowing ti would make me feel better. It was hard to stick to the program and kick it up to the week 2 - after running 90 seconds I definitely needed the 2 minutes of walking! However, I found I was much faster and I still enjoyed it. If I get much faster I'll need to make my destination a little further down on the trail!

When I got home I made dinner: brown rice, sauteed onions & peppers with beans, salsa and monterey jack. It was pretty good! I also packed leftovers for lunch along with snacks of carrots & grapes. I'm feeling pretty good - as though I've turned a page somewhere and things are looking up, but really its just my perspective!

Random Quizziness.

2009-06-23T18:56:00.003-04:00

What is your current obsession?

I made a promise I would be able to run a 5k. I made a promise that I would lose weight - clearly the two fit well together. I'm spending a LOT of time either running or reading unpublished scripts.

What’s for dinner?

I actually made dinner tonight. Nothing major, but it was cheap and made of things already in our house. Rice actually cooked in the rice cooker, refried beans, shredded cheese and salsa.

What’s the last thing you bought?

A great pair of jeans for only $24.

What are you listening to right now?
I've been getting back into some of my older cds: El Oso by Soul Coughing, Open Letter to the Damned by As Fast As and my newer favorite - It's Not Me, It's You by Lily Allen.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Mykonos Bay, Greece - but there's no way one hour would be enough!

What’s your favorite quote (for now)?
"Insist upon yourself. Be original." - Emerson

What’s your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
My brand-spanking-new Three Dots square neck dress my mom bought me as a birthday present!

What’s your dream job?

Running my own theatre company - and one day I swear we will be successful enough that it will be my full time job!

What’s your worst habit? This is my friend Marianne's answer but I'm stealing it because it fits me so well: not finishing the things i start.

Describe your personal style?
Classic, casual, feminine.

What are your favorite movies?

Sliding Doors

What inspires you?

NPR, music, a great script - i like different thoughts, point of view and creative textures.

What’s your favorite book?

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, The Hobbit by JRR Tolkein, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

Do you collect something?

I collect a lot of things unintentionally! I'm really trying to get away from this. I guess you could say I collect scripts.

What do you like most about yourself?

I'm complicated but I appear simple - I take things very seriously but I'm always ready to laugh.

What’s your go-to nail polish color?

It changes with the season. Right now I am loving OPI's Elephantastic Pink.

If you wanna play along… TAG! you’re it.

Week 1+ 1 - Day 3

2009-06-21T21:44:00.002-04:00

It took me eight days but I did get through week 1! I'm frustrated it took me an extra day, but I'm happy I made it this far. I also enlisted my good friend mrs. jandrea to do the same running plan which means I have two buddies in the process if you include the pup. The puppy is riot - he's half australian sheepdog and its clear that running is in his blood. I start running and his little black ears go flat against his head and he is so happy. I love that he enjoys it so much and it works off some of his endless energy - and also that it means I have my solitude but I'm not alone. Apparently, all I needed to enjoy running was a dog at my side.

I already feel that I have more energy and that my core is stronger. This is a good thing because this week I have to step it up to 90 seconds running/2 minutes walking. I would be nervous, but the first step made me nervous and it was exactly the right level for me.

8 weeks to go!

Sneak-painting

2009-06-15T13:15:00.002-04:00

Husband and I moved into our current home last August/September. I had big plans of garden overhauls and painting every room - this was all in addition to the complete bathroom makeover which was completed in August. We painted the bathroom - to finish the makeover and we managed to paint the kitchen before my totally awesome brother in law and his Husband came to visit. The rest of the house... not so much.

I had to let it go. We just didn't have the money, the energy or the time. Until about 3 weeks ago. At that point I began to vent. I let all my frustration with all the little problems in our lives spill out into the open. It began with some impulsive monster weed-pulling and ended with a complete overhaul of how we plan and discuss our finances.

The afterglow of this emotional outburst left me feeling charged - as though even lacking the funds we could make it happen. Then on Saturday I was sitting at home alone while Husband took the pup to the dog park when I realized I was going about it all wrong. Can we afford the grey paint I had been longing for which would give the study that polished, modern and yet neutral look I wanted? No. But the gallon and a half left from the paint our neighbor kindly gave us for our kitchen would nicely complement our black and white art and furniture.

Maybe yellow would do... the only way to find out seemed to be... paint! I grabbed the paint and brush and got some color on a patch of wall before Husband got home. It wasn't so bad. Husband didn't hate it... so that night while he watched tv I popped some more paint up there (surely he wouldn't notice..) Yesterday as he took a nap I painted almost an entire wall.

It's not what I had in mind. But it IS cheery and it does look great with the art. And it was free.

2009-06-13T15:33:00.002-04:00

The following message has just been posted to my facebook & twitter:

Starting today I am going 30 days without sending ANY trash to a landfill to help me learn where I can recycle, compost, reuse and donate more! Join me in this effort to be more environmentally conscious.

This afternoon I will empty my trash cans into our "big green monster" (the trash can provided by the city). Only what is in the big green monster today will go to to the curb to be taken away this week. All other waste will be composted, recycled or reused. If it must go to a landfill, it will sit in the big green monster from the day after this trash day on until the month is out.

I'm interested to see how little garbage I can generate!

It began with a promise to myself.

2009-06-13T11:33:00.002-04:00

Last year I walked the Race for the Cure by myself. I hated it, everyone was so slow. I felt mobbed because I was fast anyway, so to be walking my first 5k at a snail's pace was painful for me. I vowed to RUN the race in 2009, instead I forgot about it and didn't train one bit. Needless to say I was not ready. Then I found out work wasn't paying for it anymore. Well that did it. I was tired and worn out from working two jobs - one of them unpaid. My friend who I had enlisted for moral support is unemployed so the idea of asking her to pay to run was ridiculous and I could barely afford to spare the dollars in my budget to run myself. I was frustrated and I vowed not to let it slide again.

I asked for accessories for my new ipod for my birthday. My probably unsuspecting in-laws got me the best sport earbuds available and the sport armband recommended by the apple store. (They also got me a kick ass docking station which doubles as an alarm clock and has better sound quality than Husband's stereo or my computer.)

I start today. While Husband is still sleeping (yes, at almost noon!) I am grabbing the pup, my ipod and heading to the nearby river trail. According to my schedule I need to walk/run for 90/60 seconds for 20-30 minutes.

Bring it on!

Long time no write...(or read!)

2009-06-12T17:17:00.002-04:00

In the past several weeks I have been getting some other things in my life taken care of. The small business I am running along with my three partners produced our Second-Annual Flex Series! This is terrifically exciting for a few reasons, one of them being that the second weekend was the actual anniversary of our very first performance.

The end of this production also marked the beginning of a performance hiatus. We have made the decision to not put up any shows until March 2010 - a date which sounds almost-scary-far-away, but our reasons are good. We need to get some business type items in order. Important ones like applying for 501(c)(3) status and setting our 2010 schedule.

This also means I have some time to breathe. And read some new plays that were submitted to us!

...and hopefully blog.

I don't wanna.

2009-05-18T14:53:00.002-04:00

I don't wanna blog. I don't wanna act, or direct. I don't wanna work out or go to work or school. I don't wanna be told what to do - or tell others what to do. I don't wanna turn 30. I don't wanna have a baby. I don't wanna do chores or cook or write.

I want to plan a garden - but I don't want to plant it.
I want to be on the road with Husband, bare feet on the dashboard, book in hand. I want to sing out loud without caring who hears. I want to learn to meditate, to still my mind without thinking it's silly or incompatible with my own religion - rationally, I know that is nonsense. I want to purge myself of my negativity, but retain my sense of humor.

I want to see what others see. I want to know why I have trouble succeeding. I want to stop feeling so overworked and lazy all at once. I want to stop seeing myself as less than worthy.

I want to be happy.

The Epidemic

2009-05-10T09:45:00.003-04:00

It seems there is a growing theme lately - Blog Fail. I've been feeling pretty guilty of my own lack of blogging, perhaps I should have just made that an item on The List. I could try to rationalize it saying I've been busy (I have!) but honestly, I just have always found sticking to a journal of any type difficult.

What brought me to mention this however is the fact that when I ventured online this morning to update The List I noticed two of my fellow bloggers had also recently posted about their recent blog fail. Which I suppose just makes me a lemming, but oh well.

The positive side is that while I may not have been blogging religiously, I have been checking things off my list! This weekend Husband and I went to the wedding of one of his cousins. It was absolutely lovely. It also happened to be at Collingswood which is George Washington's river farm (historic location - check!) in Alexandria, VA (Washington, DC - check!) which required Husband and I to drive 8 hours to get there (road trip - check!).

We haven't been on a vacation in at least 2 years so it's been really nice. Today we'll be heading out to our nation's capital for a sunny jaunt around the Smithsonian Mall. I feel like paying Mr. Lincoln a visit.

Oh ye of little faith.

2009-05-03T23:19:00.002-04:00

So I logged on to update my list for one thing and found that I had accomplished about six. I do a terrible job of being consistent with the blogging on this because I feel like I'm never getting these things done. Clearly that is not the case. Perhaps one of my items should have been Learn to Respect Yourself (although I'm not really sure what that would look like in terms of a quantifiable goal.)

One of the things I did this week was learn a new recipe - I made Oat Scones! I've never made scones before and I thought they would be tough but they were surprisingly simple and delicious. I will be using this recipe again. They took a small amount of prep time and effort and cooked for 15 minutes - what could be simpler?! Plus, I was worried they would be dry and tasteless as scones I've purchased have been sometimes but they were soft, moist and had a wonderfully nutty, sweet bran taste.

I'm kind of excited at all the really FUN things I get to knock off the list this upcoming week. Visit Washington D.C., visit a historic location, I'm beginning the take one picture a day item... we haven't had a vacation in a long time. We're due and I am counting down the days.

Respect My Body: Day 1 (take two)

2009-04-23T07:42:00.003-04:00

Ok. So I figure between twitter and this blog I can actively chart my progress in real-time to keep me on track. hopefully.

I started this item last week and did one day splendidly. Today I start anew.

Woke up too late at 6:50 - not really enough time to get a decent workout in and have time to get ready for work. Regardless I forced myself up and ran for 20 minutes on the wii. While running I watched the news and pulled out a can of tuna for lunch. No more expensive calorie & fat filled lunches for me!

_______________________________________

Update: 10:30 pm

Today I have learned to always verify that I have opened files correctly so as not to waste hours of time.
The one unnamed part of this task is incredibly hard for me.
I have a clearer head when I take some time to run.

Tomorrow I will -

Not ************
pay more attention to what I eat & make smarter choices
continue running a minimum of 20 mins per day
wake up 10 mins earlier

Take Two

2009-04-22T21:39:00.002-04:00

Damn. This shit it hard. So I was meant to do things I ought to be doing every day - making sure I took my makeup off every night, taking immaculate care of my skin, my hair, my nails, my teeth - keeping a food diary, waking up early to get in a run before work....

If anything I got worse. I had a shit week and let it all slide. Tonight, however I decided to pick up the pieces. I have 1,001 edays to complete these things and just because I failed now doesn't mean I can't accomplish it.

This is a hard goal to take on and I knew that - it affects multiple other goals - the most obvious being the goal to lose 40 lbs.

Additionally today is Earth Day. Over the past year or two Husband and I have really begun to think of ways we can have a better impact on the planet. Some of things we have done include:

Recycling everthing we can (even when this makes it look like I'm holding onto trash )
Composting whenever possible
planting vegetables & herbs for our own use
turning off water / lights / appliances whenever not in use
Waiting a few more degrees before turning the heat or a/c on.
moving to a house where we can walk to the drugstore, ice cream shop, bar, library or to get pizza. We don't often walk, but we walk a lot more than before!
Buying local
Carrying my own canvas shoppers everywhere and refusing to take plastic bags even when it means carrying things or stuffing them in my purse.
Using my own handmade coffee sleeve instead of disposable cardboard ones.

What changes have you made?

2009-04-16T22:59:00.002-04:00

So I have a wedding to go to in a couple weeks. I'm wearing a spaghetti strap dress and I feel like I need to be in slightly better shape. Ok, honestly I need to drop 40 lbs, but that's clearly not gonna happen. So after taking a look at my list I've dedciced I will follow my routine from now until May 12th at minimum. I will also work out 3 times a week at minimum.

To work towards this goal I will be keeping a journal. Today marked Day 1. I did ok. I'm hoping the journal will help with some of my emotional eating, my overeating and some of my bad habits which don't help with me body image.

Day 1 recap:
I ate about what i anticipated. I coudl have woken up earlier and worked out. I used soy creamer in my coffee versus half & half - it was just as good I plan on doing this from now on. I did find myself trying to revert ti bad habits, but as a whole not a bad start. aThe only issue was that a co-worker won an award and there were cupcakes & candy to celebrste. I ate too much of the sweets. I will learn from this.

Mediocrity is Bliss

2009-04-14T21:54:00.002-04:00

Things haven't been easy lately. My nights and weekends have been jam-packed and they just get busier. After about a month off I begin rehearsals for our next show this Sunday and I'm pretty hesitant. The last show was rough. It was a really hard thing for my to get through - no matter how proud I was of the result. I'm just not sure I can do this again, but I can't give up. I love theatre, but I'm just not feelin the love right now.

I've spent time with family, seen friends I hadn't seen in months, cleaned house, spent some time with our new puppy and there's still so much I want to do! I haven't organized my closet, or the garage and I haven't begun painting the living room or the bedroom.

*sigh* At least I have our upcoming trip to DC to look forward to.

Near... Far!

2009-04-05T19:17:00.002-04:00

A couple of my friend plan family vacations together - they pick a location and everyone saves up. It ocurred to me looking at the list of placed I would like to go that perhaps this is a fantastic idea. Husband's family is located on two separate continents which makes get-togethers a bit tough. Any time we want to see one another one of us has to travel more than halfway across the globe which is expensive and kind of a nuisance.

Now to be truthful Husband and I have not yet been able to get over to see his brother (& spouse) or his Mum, although it is goal of ours to make it there.

Today I announce the official planning of StMcCuRe Vacation 2011!
Step 1: Pick a location. Let's brainstorm -list your ideas in the comments.

The Great Gatsby

2009-04-04T16:52:00.003-04:00

Husband has been begging me to allow him to get a dog since before we were married. For the first couple years I used the money excuse - even he had to agree we just couldn't afford a dog. Next I said he couldn't possible care for a dog while he was in law school, again he simply couldn't refute this argument. The past couple years I said we didn't have the right kind of home for the type of dog he wanted since we lived in a little 3rd floor apartment.

About a month ago he started up big time. I tried all my usual tactics. I even admitted to him that I had fears I would never be okay with a dog in the house given their apparent desire to chew, drool or shed on everything. Then he found Peggy.

Peggy was a gorgeous, sweet tempered black lab at our local humane society. Her adoption fees were reasonable, she had all of her shots, she was young but old enough to be housebroken, she was untrained but responsive - in short she was the best I could hope for with a rescue dog. We asked all the right questions : Will she torment our cat?, Should we decide we aren't terrified of babies someday will she maul our would-be children?, etc. We made it clear we were extremely interested in adopting Peggy and the lovely lady at the Humane Society made it clear she was not at all interested in us, pointing out they were closing. In fact she was unwilling to listen to another word because they were closing, despite the fact that the helpful man (also employed by the Humane Society) had told us "Oh don't worry about it - stay as long as you like, we're happy to help you!" when we apologized for being there when they were about to close.

You see, we knew Peggy wasn't going to last long at the shelter. She was too perfect. So we got their hours and I hemmed and hawed. I spoke to extended family at our typical Sunday coffee gathering the next day and when I was still torn I called my friend Andrea who has a pug she adores. Hanging up with my friend I called my mom. We talked for a long time and basically it came down to the fact that Husband needed the companionship. He's been fighting some depression and the good it would do him to have a dog outweighed all my namby-pamby "'but she'll drool on my stuff!" arguments.

We rushed to the shelter where we were told Peggy had been adopted and left literally five minutes prior. When the worker saw our crushed faces, having heard we had been to see Peggy the day before she asked, "Did you put a reserve on her?"The answer was no, that option had not been presented as a possibility.

Well now Husband was so sad I had to do something. He sulked around the house with a barely noticeable moue and refused to admit he was upset. I started looking at rescue dogs on petfinder even if just to joke with him about them. Then one day we saw this littler of rescue pups being raised by a breeder about 2 hours from us. It just so happened we were headed to see Andrea that weekend and the breeder was only slightly out of the way along our drive.

So I went from no dog, to being okay with an adult dog to owning a puppy. He's a baby - only 9 weeks old and damn does he chew on everything. But he's adorable and Husband is happy. And I worked in my new word for the day into this post, so really everyone is happy.

Except the cat.

David v. Goliath

2009-04-02T11:57:00.001-04:00

In an effort to get ~~back~~ on top of this list I signed up for the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) word of the day email. In the four days since I have noticed a slight problem – the words suck! They’re either ridiculously obscure or really simple. These are not the words I thought I would be learning. This is a big disappointment to someone actually hoping to better their own personal vocab. For example today’s word is obliterate.

Interesting side note – although I find obliterate to be a terribly simple word my spellcheck seems to feel that it is not a legitimate word. This is why shouldn’t trust spellcheck. I’m envisioning a battlefield with Microsoft’s spellchecck on one side and the prestigious OED on the other. The OED would obliterate Mircosoft and stalk off with barely a broken nail.

Totally. Totes-McGoates.

2009-03-26T13:17:00.002-04:00

A co-worker gets daily emails from Urban Dictionary. A few days ago the word of the day was nonversation. What a delightful and thoroughly useful word! I used it yesterday - "Ugh. Can we NOT have this nonversation right now?"

Nonversation -
A completely worthless conversation, wherein nothing is illuminated, explained or otherwise elaborated upon. Typically occurs at parties, bars or other events where meaningful conversation is nearly impossible.
Smith: What a waste of time it is talking to that guy.
Jones: I know, every time I do, it's like a complete nonversation.

Day 125 - Race to the Run

2009-03-26T12:35:00.002-04:00

I've never been a runner. My sister is, my father-in-law, but me... in elementary school I used to sprint for Field Day and that's the closest I could cite unless you count the painful hours logged on the treadmill in college.

Last year for the first time I made myself actually get up and go to the Race for the Cure. I didn't want to do it - but I knew I would feel good about it afterwards. What I found was that I mostly enjoyed it, it was a gorgeous day and the walk was really not that long. I also learned that the mass of people moved slower than a herd of 87 year-olds and I don't deal well with slow. On my drive home I vowed to run the race next year.

Well it is officially next year and I am anywhere from ready to run. The email came through two days ago inviting us to participate in this year's race. I guess it is time to admit to myself that just because I shaved a minute off my "island lap" time on wii fit does not mean I can run 5k in 7 weeks. So now I'm stuck wondering, do I try to push myself really hard and just see if I can get to a point where I can finish the run? Or do I keep it simple and going for the walk which annoys me since I walk faster when I'm going to the restroom at work!

Runners out there? I'm looking at you. Tell me what you're thinking.

Curiouser & Curiouser

2009-01-03T23:39:00.002-05:00

Husband and I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button tonight. It was delightful. However, at one very sad point in the movie during a silence a man seated a few seats over from Husband said (I assume to someone next to him) "SHE DIED." I sincerely hope the man thought he was whispering and perhaps lost control of the volume of his voice.

Husband has a knack for finding these people and sitting right near them. It irks him to no end, and simply amuses me. He tells me that about ten years ago he was in London watching a production of Les Miserables and when Eponine's character was coming to an end a woman near him in a quite loud voice near tears wailed, "Oh she's gonna die too!!!"

Nonsense Words

2009-01-02T20:23:00.002-05:00

Tonight while posting on a friend's blog the nonsensical verification jumble which came up was "britifit". I can't help but think if britifit was an actual word, what it might mean. Here are a couple suggestions, but please feel free to leave your own definitions in the comments!

Britifit:

a very fit British person.
a British person who encourages others to become fit.
a British person having a hissy, in a very polite manner.

Day 41

2009-01-01T14:44:00.002-05:00

Well, 33 days without a post. I appear to be failing miserably. I've been tremendously busy lately and quite overwhelmed - so much so that I forgot part of the reason I started this was to make sure I didn't track of things with so much going on in my life. I thought perhaps lieu of a New Year's resolution I could just pay more attention to the things on this list. Remembering that it exists is a good start.

Husband was completely sweet for Christmas this year and decided to assist me with this list with his Christmas gifts to me this year. Every tag had my name and the number for the item on this list the gift matched up to. I'm especially excited about the subscription to Cook's Illustrated magazine which matches up to Learn a New Recipe Once a Month.

I did manage to learn a new recipe in December - Chocolate Peppermint Pinwheel Cookies. I also learned that when using actual crushed peppermint in cookies it is better to err on the side of less candy than more because the candy makes cookies very hard. Also, I learned that I really do need a food processor - something I had not been wanting to admit because it seemed like an unnecessary piece of equipment. I did not learn one in November, but I'm not sure that means I am off on that one seeing as how Nov was half over when I started...

Direct one production a year: This has begun. I have cast my women and I am still hunting some some more people. Rehearsals begin in 11 days.

Teach Husband's Cousin to make a pie: I did make this offer to Husband's dad & wife, they seemed un-enthralled. Not sure what that means. I'm not close with the cousin or her mom, so I'll have to explore this further.

Participate in NaNoReMo 2008: I was doing this and I simply could not find the time to continue. I WILL finish the book, but It's taken me far longer than the month it should have taken.

I'm thinking I should have included something about strengthening my relationship with Brother. He's not really "Brother", but in fact "Brother-in-law"however he's kinda awesome and I have no brothers besides him. As he is getting married in Feb, soon I will have two brothers - a fact I'm quite excited about. Brother lives in a far away land and when he moved we lost touch some. It saddens me that we are not close as we once were and I just feel I don't know him as well as I did. Certainly, it would help if I could make it to visit Far Away Land (which is actually on another continent and about 87, 032 hours by plane - okay really more like 17 hours) but being just a poor thespian I'll just have to save my pennies and work up to that one. It looks like I'll be spending some more time emailing him for now!

Day 7

2008-11-27T09:31:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, one week in and I haven't accomplished much but I have learned some things.
It's worth it to share your fears with a friend, you never know, something fantastic might come of it.
I can handle more than I think.
Although the item I selected sounds easy (respecting my self/body) it's not! It was probably a really poor choice to start off with because the perimeters I have set for myself are quite wide. They include several bad habits I have had for a long time which will be tough to break, and quite frankly are the major reason this is on the list. So for now, I 'm putting that one aside. Instead, I think today is the perfect day to begin listing items I am grateful for.

As corny as this sounds, I am grateful for family. Be they here at home or in a far off corner of the globe they add so much to my life. My life would be far less pleasant and not nearly as interesting without them.

I have to go make some cranberry sauce, and an apple pie.

Day 2

2008-11-22T23:59:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I started this thing and Husband made it kinda easy on me! The very first day, without knowing about the list asked me if we should go out. We haven't been on a date in ages (part of the reason that's on the list). I feel as though there must be some karma involved because we belong to this rewards program at the movie theatre and the machine just spits out coupons sometimes when you make purchases (and sometimes not). This time we got coupons for:
two free movie tickets
two free sodas
a large popcorn
That's like a whole free date minus the dinner! Awesome. Also, the new Bond movie was enjoyable. To be fair, Daniel Craig is pretty hot so I was going to enjoy that aspect and I had a few beers so I may be a bad judge.

I also spent the day working on some necessary details for the show I'm directing in the coming months. It feels great to accomplish something.

I've decided I need to pick one of the ongoing long term items to begin immediately. Since I'm acting in a production opening on 12.4 it clearly can't be the going to bed early one. I'm not going to give up sweets, soda or alcohol going into the holidays so that eliminates some too. So I have decided to "respect my body" and take my vitamins! I don't know why I'm so excited, but they sound like the best options. I also thinking my new recipe within the first 30 days may be something for Thanksgiving. That seems sensible to me.

Day 1 of 1001

2008-11-21T11:13:00.020-05:00

The Mission
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable, or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of effort on your part.)

My List

For Self

Identify 25 things I like about myself
Send a postcard to post secret
Keep a food journal for 60 consecutive days (1/60)
GIve up candy/sweets for 30 days (0/30)
~~Lose 40 lbs!~~
Participate in Defective Yeti's NaNoReMo 2008 (Lolita)
Participate in Defective Yeti's NaNoReMo 2009
Take one photo of something that interests me everyday for 30 days (2/30)
Go to bed by 10:30pm every night for one week (0/7)
~~Run (not walk!) The Race for the Cure 5k~~
Respect my body (follow my ideal routine to the letter) for 45 days (3/45)
Identify 100 things that make me happy
Complete a NY Times crossword puzzle without cheating
Write my congressman about an issue that I feel strongly about
List at least one thing I am grateful for every day for one year
Create a will
Decide what I want to pursue my Masters in and begin the process
Get a Mani/Pedi once a year
Get a Facial once a year
Get a Massage once a year
Visit Grandma & Godmother's graves
Take piano lessons
Take Yoga class
Improve my French
Learn a new word once a week and blog about it (3/143)
~~Go to a doctor about ADD~~
Go an entire day without saying a negative word
Call Bestie once a month (1/33)
Take Calcium & Multi-V every day consecutively for 90 days (25/90)
Drink nothing carbonated for 60 days (0/60)
Drink nothing but water or tea for 30 days (0/30)
Go for a walk once a week 8 times (7/8)
Avoid fast food (including pizza) for 45 days (0/45)
~~Work out for 20 minutes or more 3 times per week consistently for 2 months~~
Read at least one book per month (24/33)
Do something pampering once every 3 months (0/11)
Go to the dentist twice per year (1/4)
Take a class in English or Business
Spend one week per year without television

Financial

Go 30 consecutive days without spending anything discretionary (0/30)

For Others

Write out 101 reasons I love Husband and give them to him
~~Host a family gathering~~
Tell Husband I love him everyday
Take Husband out once a month on a Date (6/33)
Do something nice for Husband's parents for no reason
Leave beer on the doorstep of an unsuspecting person with a note from "The Beer Fairy"
Send a care package to a random soldier (anysoldier.com)
Host a game night
~~Teach Husband's cousin to make a pie~~
Clean Kitten's litter everyday for 45 consecutive days (0/45)
~~Schedule a get-together with work people to do something away from the office~~
~~Host~~ Schedule a Buttstones gathering every two months (4/16)
Host at least two dinner parties a year (2/4)

Environmental

~~Buy something from a Farmer's Market~~
Save all trash (actual waste headed to a landfill) for 30 days. Be extremely strict about composting & recycling during this time. Whenever possible find new uses for things instead of trashing them. (0/30)
Start a vegetable garden
Plant a tree
Create a petty cash jar. Pay a dime to the jar every time I accept a bag from a store instead of using my own (reuseable) bag
~~Buy one item from a local small business a year~~
Reduce shower time to less than 10 mins.
~~Turn off water when brushing my teeth for 90 days~~
Get oil changed on time

Travel

Greece
~~Montreal~~
~~Washington, DC~~
~~Take Husband to Burlington, VT~~
Hawaii
NYC
Key West
~~Renew my passport~~
Hike a portion of the Appalachian Trail
~~Visit a historic location~~
Swim in the ocean
~~Take a road trip~~

Cooking

Learn to cook a turkey
Learn to make homemade marshmallows
Learn a new recipe every month (6/33)
~~Go to a wine tasting~~
Learn to make mom's homemade bread
Make homemade pizza
~~Invent a recipe~~

Work

File for 501c3
Blog for work at least twice per month (11/66)
Find a new career
~~Find 5 plays which have been banned to suggest for the 2010 season~~
~~Find 5 plays to suggest for the 2011 season~~
~~Direct one production a year~~

Home

Organize the basement
Hold a garage sale
Fast for 24 hours
Clean the Master Bedroom to my satisfaction once a week 8 times (1/8)
Make and hang curtain in front of pantry
Buy a house
Hem my curtains
Make a quilt
~~Paint Master Bedroom~~
Paint Hallway & Living Room
Organize photos into albums
Go to Ikea once a year (2/3)

Miscellaneous

Save $10 for every item checked off this list. Save $15 for every uncompleted item.
On Day 1001 publish a new 101 in 1001 list that includes anything I haven't completed in full